"So when is Dawn coming over? I can hardly wait to show her this." asks my dad to my mom. "Anytime now as dinner is just about on the table and she has the sixth sense for free food." says mom. And she's right. I am at the door and am immediately ransacked by my dad about how the electoral college is tons better than the popular vote. I haven't even taken off my coat and am drawn into his painstakingly hand made charts and graphs to prove this point and make me feel like the village idiot for not understanding (as well as infiltrating mathematical equations in my head). I try to escape, but the room is small and his intentions of holding me in the grasp of his opinion is larger than my need to leave the table (and the food). I look to my mom for support - but she has already used me as the sacrificial lamb to get away from this monstrosity. This was interfering in my dinner and this was the last straw. I am pretty sick of hearing about this election. I mean, we all cast our votes (the smart ones anyway - I have no tolerance for those who complain and didn't vote) and now we counted them and recounted them and analyzed them and are still recounting them. What is the problem? I have seen drag queens give up their pageant titles more easily than these two candidates.

And of course, as you know, I have found a solution - although I am sure it's not one that will be taken into consideration any time soon. You see, I have compiled my love of violence, game shows - and (ever since the presence of battlebots) metal carnage to form what I like to call "The Presidential Road Rally." It's a combination of "Cannonball Run (I and II)" and "Mad Max - Beyond Thunderdome."

We have all the candidates get themselves a car armed with the implements of death to their liking. I wouldn't recommend a James Bond Astin Martin (crumples too easily from brute force). I recommend what I had for a first car - 1972 bright orange Dodge Dart (I so miss that car and it's way of being able to trample anything in it's path as well as it's unique ability to drive away from any accident unscathed). But I digress. The candidates could try to destroy the other presidential hopefuls on the road with whatever they put on their cars. Road rage at it's finest. The map of the race starts from Maine and winds it's way all the way around from each state in the continental U.S. until it ends up in Washington State. That way everyone in their state can participate. Participate? What's that all about?

I am so glad you asked (smirk). So far, all these candidates are doing is racing their way through the country, destroying whatever car is in their way and the first one that gets to the end wins the presidential election. It needed something more as you don't want the president to get his title just because he has a lead foot and has good aim. So there is a snag. The course will be plotted out and everyone will know where they will be. I am sure there would be live TV coverage as a race is more exciting to watch than people counting ballots - yet they still cover that 24/7 - and so you would actually be able to pinpoint where your fav candidate would be and at what time so you could cheer them on in person and see them fly by in their cars. You could even help out and give out food and provisions (and whatever party favors - legal or not) just like at marathons where they hand out water.

Still sound boring? I thought so too, so I took my dad into consideration on this part. And this is the best deal of this thing. Why not be able to harm the opposition? You could shoot at the tires to slow them down, throw spikes on the road - you name it - anything goes. But then my dad had to go and ruin it and say that he would take a shotgun down to the road and shoot to kill not destroy the car - just to be sure that they didn't win the race. That hardly seemed fair - this isn't a Stephen King novel after all. So I made up the rule of "The first candidate to be killed by someone that isn't another candidate gets their party in office." That way if you kill that candidate - their vice president running mate automatically gets to be president - regardless of how the race ends. Dad sulked, but then realized this was all a dream that would never be realized and consulted his pie charts again (gawd).

I am sure there are flaws with this idea, as their would be some plot to kill a candidate just so their party would be in office (Dad brought this up, in fact)- but that's not what this idea was about. It was about violence, destroying cars at will and getting who you wanted in office with sheer physical ability and driving grace. It's about getting people involved in the election just because they have a knack for explosives. This was about making politics fun.

Anyway, I am done with this election. I have heard quite enough from MSNBC and my dad. He never shuts up and if his candidate doesn't win - I don't think he ever will. However, if one of these fools will simply concede or stop suing the state of Florida - they will go down in history in my book as a graceful loser instead of one who will be forever known as "the candidate who interfered with my damn dinner and made me think about math."