So I am completely perplexed at the new turn (all time low) that talk shows are taking these days. It seems that the new fad with the Jerry Springer Show (when they aren't showing the "encore" presentations - read as: reruns) is to give some loser control over a camera man and then have the drama occur in his home instead of the usual audience participation style where people tend to show off. Here people can actually have the fight in their own home (double wide trailer?) and have the video edited to show the juicy bits.

I was almost late for school one morning as I watched some guy who was confronting his gay lover about sleeping with his rather obese (hey man she WAS the double wide trailer in this clip) mother and then having it all out right there in the front yard (we even cut to the expressions of the neighbors as they were getting their morning paper). Afterwards, everyone is brought to the studio as guests for a sort of question and answer interrogation much to the delight of the audience.

I guess this really cuts it down to like a 911 drama show where you get to see real life rednecks duke it out in their own homes and see real shaky almost blair witch project- like filming of the lowest form of life try to cope with his existing surroundings. It's kinda like watching the Crocodile Hunter without all the bloodshed.

I am bit amiss here. I had an even better idea to where all these talk shows could make their ratings better and that would be - the secret guest that no one knows about - not even the guest himself (or her - depending on which of the party in the conflict has the higher IQ).

You see, I would think that most people would know that when someone suggests "hey, let's make an appearance on the Springer show" would realize that the reason going is not a makeover. In fact, it's not going to be pretty and is probably going to involve some sort of presentation of who has the better cut downs and neck movements. Let's face it... anyone who is on a talk show these days is fair game to be the person who other people would think "I am so glad that I am not you."

I propose this. Imagine, if you will, Jerry coming out to the audience and saying how he is bringing out guests today whose lovers don't know they are screwing various farm animals. He then reads from his note card that Angela is this woman who is doing so and wants to confront her lover about her newfound addiction. He then turns to the audience and grabs Dan (Angela's lover) - who looks like he just shit his pants - and then asks how he feels about the situation. A then stupefied Dan is shocked and almost catatonic as Jerry leads both him and the proud Angela down to the stage and dissects their relationship for all it's worth.

What fun it would be to watch Dan, who thought that he was in New York to catch the show and then later go clubbing or whatever, try to keep from losing consciousness about both deceits (both Bessie the Cow and him being a guest) and answer questions that make him stammer to the effect that he doesn't feel that his manhood has been decimated by this betrayal.

I think that this would be such a scream to watch. Most people wouldn't be on guard if they were just there to watch the show and not be a part of it. These people would think - "Hey , I'm just waiting in line like everyone else to grab a seat" not "OMG... I am backstage and I see that on the monitor that people are booing/laughing/ralphing in the aisles while my significant other grins maniacally - I wonder if its' something horrid?" type of thoughts. And that would be good television. I would much rather see a person who had no idea what fate awaited them and then squirming on stage than a paid actor (and I am sure there are some on that show) try to depict his rendition of jealousy, bewilderment, and of course - wrestling moves with the other paid actor.

Well, that's just my thought. And for all I know, it's on the drawing board - so beware of any free weekend offered to you and your significant other and two free tickets to the Springer Show - you might find out that you are the next person that makes me feel like my life is so much better.