So I am back from that wedding I went to this weekend. I had some fun, but as you know, I make my own fun and don't rely on the plans of others to have a good time (or else i would be sadly disappointed with life in general). I left on Friday at 12:30 - after hearing from the Reverend Maynard that the rehearsal dinner had been postponed, i ditched class (maybe hottie art teach will miss me and reveal this at class on Monday to me- yeah, I wish) and used the plans that my nerdy dad had made for me the day before. He has some new program for maps and can all but tell me what seat I would be sitting in at the restaurant (a glitch in the program he is trying to fix - so he says).

I had never been this way before, and unfortunately, the directions I got to get to dinner didn't include what might happen should a spontaneous parade happen on the road (what are the chances of this happening?) that I was supposed to be on. (No passers-by were killed in this outing - but were yelled out and given the finger at will). So I attempted to "find" (and I use that term loosely as I have No directional skills) the restaurant by parking my car in the nearest parking lot after finding a gas station to change into my dress for the dinner. I almost ran over the Reverend in my attempt to park. Thank god. I didn't want to get there by myself. He had also the directions from Vera but said that he was happy a parade was thrown in his honor and wasn't that upset about the situation. The Reverend can make a good situation out of anything - he is such a ton of fun.

While at dinner, I ask Vera what the plans are, and he tells me that we were going to be gawking at the strippers in atlanta and then pass out in the room he had reserved at the Atlanta Hilton. I laughed until Shelley told me her plans for all of "us girls". Dammit. I was hoping to see what REALLY happens at a strip club with a soon to be married man. Instead, I was forced into the plans of his bride-to-be, as I know she would be pretty pissed if I hung out with her man at a strip club. Oh well. I was gonna make the best of a situation (as I usually do) and make fun of Ziggy ( a very tomboy kind of gal) in her unnatural element - our night consisted of an evening of beauty - including facials and manicures. Ziggy has a wife if this makes any more clearer sense to you and I was all set taking a picture of her discomfort (and of course publishing it on my webpage). Unfortunately, they knew the plans ahead of time and made reservations at the local hotel, claiming sickness (liars).

I tried to convince the girls to go to the Coronet Club and have fun with male strippers and get plowed, but apparently one of the group was a mother Theresa type and frowned up on such things, so it was off to get sloughed of all dead skin cells just as the lord would have intended (gawd). It wasn't' that horrible, and I had never had the "nite of beauty" that is so featured on many teen movies.

I made a trip into the store to break the monotony (and to get some beer). Because they lived in the boonies, you needed half a tank of gas to get to the store (actually you need half a tank of gas to see another dwelling in this city). When I get there, I decide to refuel and pull up to the pump. I get out of my car and am met with a guy I would normally have a weapon out upon seeing. He asks me if I want gas. At this point I am ready to jump into my car if it weren't for the fact that this town closes at 9pm and this was the only thing open short of driving to Atlanta. I say "yes, what's it to you?" (I am a girl in the boonies by myself and you would do the same thing). He says "Ok, I will pump it for you". I look at the sign and see that it says "full service". Wow, what dinosaur time zone did I step into? I have never even heard of this much less seen this (Dad has told folklore tale about a place that will pump your gas while you file your nails, but I figured he was making it up). I edge away from him and my car uneasily and make it into the store.

From there, I was given the task to find snacks and stuff (stuff being beer) for the "party". I choose a bunch of stuff while making small talk with the guy that's behind the counter (all the while keeping an eye out on my car - as I still think the guy doesn't work there and is looking to mess me up somehow). He asks what I am doing this evening and I recount the events (he also agrees I am in hell) and then mention it's a "Bachlorette Party". His eyes light up and then announces that he would be happy to be the stripper for this party. I inform him that I have No money (but keep the fact that I wouldn't PAY money for his stripping talents to myself). I was laughing the whole time while he gave out his number. GAWD....

Anyway, I get back to the house, get the whole "beauty spa" treatment while guzzling my beers to withstand all this. These gals are nice.. but I was really hoping Shelley would have wanted to get frisky at the strip club with some hunky piece of meat. I had even brought my web cam with me and wanted to set up but apparently No one wants to be seen with a mud pack on their face. Go figure.

They all pass out around 2am and I am still wide awake (it's a weekend nite, dammit) and call up Vera to see what they are doing. I sneak out of the house to hang out with the "cool party". They told me all about their adventures in lap dancing (complete with Dave's story of how he got scratch marks all over his back, and Reverend Maynard's lust for a stripper he affectionately called "sweet chocolate cake"). I laughed and laughed and then headed back to the house to sneak into bed and pretend I had been there the whole time. Too late. I was busted by Shelley who apparently is a morning person and gets up before the sun.

Other notable events of fun were the fact that if you looked at one side of the church, it was all respectable looking and then you looked at Vera's side - and it looked like he went to the local goth club/soup kitchen to collect his friends to be there (there were more tattoos present than people). I actually (if you can believe this) was one of the "normal looking" ones. The Reverend was chuckling during the ring exchange and I couldn't help but ask what was up. He told me if I saw the ring I would understand. Vera had gotten some sort of Star Wars emblem on his ring. I couldn't believe it till i saw it on his hand later. Too funny.

Anyway, the rest was either non publishable or nothing you would want to read. I did get some pics and I will post them when I can.