So we were late getting to the doctor's office this morning. The place was filled. Some of the inhabitants made me and dad think of the Jerry Springer Green Room - but then that would mean that we were "in it"with them - so we saved that joke till we were gone that afternoon. And since this was a "bones gone so wrong" clinic - we would be treated to "ack - I can't look at that" moments from the peanut gallery. One woman was forced to view a homemade version of a guy's leg - if pinhead were to decorate it. She didn't hold her own very well. Jeez lady - just don't look at it - don't make him feel bad.

I think another visually enticing memorable moment was when I was waiting (again) in a different waiting room to get my leg x-rayed and I was silently cursing everyone there to getting millions of cuts on their bodies followed by salt - when this old lady is led to a chair across from me. She had a drink in her hand and was told that her MINIMUM wait would be 45 minutes AND she had to drink another glass of the stuff in her hand. She almost vomitted from tasting the liquid "joy" in her possession. After seeing that the bar isn't all that its cracked up to be (I assumed it was some foul barium treatment), I felt great next to her craptasticness. I also felt the need to stick my foot in my mouth. I informed her that I felt instantly better now that her misfortune had shown its ugly head (in the nicest way possible, of course) and Dad offered to dump her drink in the fake fern assortment. Aren't we helpful?

After that - i was led from there to the "almost there" x-ray hallway waiting area. I was surveying the fact that this hospital needs someone to get them some decent mags. All I saw there was the Oprah Magazine, Home and Gardening, and Christian Monitor. Where the hell is People Magazine and Seventeen? Where is the bubblegum stuff? Glad i brought my cheesy Harlequin romance type novel. Yeah yeah - which would you have rather read?

Then I spent about 10 minutes with the x-ray lab tech trying to find a way to bootleg some copies of my leg to my dad. She ALMOST went for it - and then someone came in and the deal was shot. Dammit.

But the crowning glory of this day was when I actually see the doctor(s) about my leg. I am sufficiently pleased with the fact that my x-rays look cooler than dad's were (when he was broken at the time) now that the screws are bent up like I am some sort of bad factory machinery toy. I have had interactions with all sorts of people and I have taken my pills - i am ready to deal with silly doctors that are already dressed to play golf and aren't afraid to let you know that you are ruining their plans.

The first words out of the Dr.'s mouth were "Hey, aren't you that Star Trek girl?" as soon as I walked in and he saw me. (My first response to something like that is a slap across the mouth and a violent "NOOOOOOO!!" - but i get what he is meaning and besides - he hasn't looked at my leg yet). I was amid 30 patients and he instantly recognized the fact that I had apparently smarted off to him at an earlier time. (ok so that's not such a rare occurrence). Gawd.

I thought for sure that I would be seen first since he instantly put me in a room. No dice. I waited for an hour and half before he sent in a "decoy" type doctor (you know what i am talking about - the kind that LOOK like doctors but just have the fashion sense and handwriting - nothing else). The decoy wanted to know about the Star Trek crap that the real Dr. was talking about earlier. I try the "convoluted story" angle, and before i can get really mean - the Dr. comes in and saves me from the fanboy wannabe.

Dr. asks me how the Jello wrestling went at Fantasm, and how LA was and if I really did latex wrestling. I was floored. He remembered ALL of that crap - yet he had to look at some other guy's folder in the next room to remember his name. But I was still mad that he made me wait an hour and a half before he could see me - so now it was time for MY prize:

"So you thought it was Jello wrestling we were gonna be doing?"(I smirk at him)
"yeah, I guess i saw you doing that."
"Really? What flavor was I in?" (this intrigued me)
"I see you as a raspberry girl" (his face lights up as he says that)
I can't believe i am spending my money and time discussing latex products, cam girls, and mixing the two together when I ask him if I have ever given him my card with my website.
"NO! you haven't. Do you have one?" (he holds his hand out like an expectant lottery ticket winner)
"Remind me to forget that next time, too." (insert sound of air taken out of his sails)
He's a cutie - but he's not for me.

And then I walk out to meet my dad in the waiting room, happy that my leg has been rendered "able to be trounced upon and behave normally." I smile really big at the Dr. and then in earshot of him say:
"Hey dad, wanna hear what the Dr. said?"
And then the doors to the elevator close. LOL