So I get home on Sunday - and while mom is fixing Easter Dinner - I decided to peruse the paper. After tiring of the comics, laughing over Dave Barry, and seeing that Dear Abby is of course gaggingly sweet about the holiday, I always seem to happen upon the Wedding and Engagement Announcements. I am always looking to see old high school buddies marrying which loser and at what church I need to be at to heckle the couple in person. Then I see which hot guys are now off the market and the mates that have the leash on them. Then I saw this from a different angle.

Why don't we have divorce announcements? We announce everything else it seems - right down to white sales and school lunches. I know people that are almost yelling their newfound freedom in the streets to let others know they are available for mating season again - why not let them have a section of the paper to really shout out about the remains of the mess they called their marriage.

I can already see the announcement - Mr. Jones and the former Mrs. Jones announce that their marriage of 10 years is dissolved as of April 30, 2000. Mrs. Jones will be retaining the home as well as an alimony/child support check of $3,500.00 each month. Mr. Jones will be retaining the sports car and will be moving into a low remt apartment building to pay for the alimony check. All assets will be split 30/70 in favor of Mr. Jones. The two children will be living with Mrs. Jones with Mr. Jones getting alternate weekends as well as summers. Mr. Jones will be celebrating his separation at Bar One while Mrs. Jones will be throwing private party in her home.

Because of that announcement - I now know that I wouldn't touch Mr. Jones in a million years - not only is he paying out the ass for his ex wife - but he also has kids - and I know which bar to avoid him at when he is off celebrating. Now if the tables were reversed - my shallow self could see that this man was sitting pretty financially and if there is a picture included in this announcement - I could even go by looks.

Unfortunately for me - this cool idea will probably never get off the ground. The reason? The divorce announcements would probably take up more room than the wedding announcements - and would be a glaring mark to the public of how society views relationships.