So I dont' know if you realize it, but I am motivated by what people tell me that I cannot do. A long time ago, when I was twelve, someone laughed at me for even thinking of taking Karate classes (I was severly underweight and had noooo confidence) - six months later, i was able to break boards for the amusement of my mom's friends at her cocktail parties and later beat up the school bully cuz i had had quite enough (the scene of him blubbering like an idiot and me grinning victorious as a teacher pulled us off each other still makes me smirk in satisfaction). Two and a half years ago - someone told me that I couldn't have a successful cam site without getting naked and that I would lose interest in 6 months. I am still here, I still have clothes on and I still get great pleasure from the people that write me to tell me that I succeeded in wasting ten minutes of their time that they should have been getting an annual report done and that now they are fired. Well maybe not happy about that last part, but it makes me smile when I can make someone laugh with what I write.

This latest conquest of what people told me i could not do involved my Dad. A year ago when I decided to go back to school, he scoffed at me telling me that the last thing I majored in was frat boys and funnelling beer and that I would probably not succeed at getting a degree now that I am older either. I was dissappointed that he said that. I really wanted him to give me a chance and believe in what I was doing. I have had this site longer than any job I have ever held and I have given up many a time to party just to keep this site alive and to meet theme deadlines for the sake of others to delight in. Whether or not anyone appreciated it was unimportant. I got great satisfaction from making these pages and having them uploaded in time for a specific holiday. I thought for sure that I was cut out for graphic design and I was hurt that he thought I would treat this as I did ten years ago.

He has no idea that as i go to school now, I still somehow (even without wearing the big pants) get along with all the 18 year olds there. Two of them are some of the coolest people i have met and they have told me (in a way that I HOPE is a compliment) that when they get OLD they want to be like me. First it makes me cringe that they think i am old (i like to think i am hip to what the young people are up to), but I take it in stride as I remember when i was 18 and 21 was so far away. They think i have no fear in life and that I am funny and so non-grownup. I really like that - and I like being that.

I roll my eyes at some of these students that can't seem to make it out of bed for a 10:00 class and wish they knew what I knew - that the real world is worse than a 10:00 class you could probably sleep through and if you can't hack that - you can pretty much count on a pink slip collection. School is so easy when you have been in the real world for so long. I remember dreaming of the days when I only had school two days a week and was able to party the rest of the time. I pretty much flunked out cuz I could not discipline myself to go to classes on those two days. That's pretty sad really. I see it so much in these other kids, but there is no way I can tell them how good they have it right now. They will have to find out when they are pushing pencils in a dead-end job and getting up early for a company they care less about. And that in itself is depressing just to think about. I used to live that life.

Now, I get up in the morning, and I HATE MORNINGS. I hate them a lot. But I remind myself that morning only comes to me twice a week. And in that morning I am able to sit in front of a computer and work on stuff that is mildly entertaining and chat with those people in my class that think I am cool, and the rest of the week, i can sleep in. I feel like I have the coolest schedule of all my friends - and I am not about to ruin it with a bunch of C's. So I have been working my hardest and the end result has been a 3.6 average and I am a member of some stupid mensa sorority that I could care less about (Mom insisted and is still gaga over the certificate)- but I am doing what I love to do, and I don't want anything to get in the way - so I am going above and beyond the call of duty to ensure that this schedule continues - so I can do other things I love, like costuming, and going to cons, and of course, partying.

So as I am talking about my school day tonite (which includes Mr. HAT and how I am dissappointed that he doesn't come up to me and say "hi" once in a while - hint, hint) at the dinner table, Dad looks up at me and says, "You know, I am really impressed with what you have done over the past year, and that you have really taken this seriously." I was so thrilled, i could have peed in my pants. I kept it to myself, though, Dad is not one for big gushy moments. But I did what I set out to do... I proved him wrong. And I am gonna continue to do so. This is my one big struggle to be able to have four day weekends and take it easy.

Yugh.. enough with this particular moving celestial seasonings moment. I am going to coast con this weekend. There will be gambling, various con stuff, and partying and I have been roped into the dating game as well. Do come out if you are in the Biloxi area. I, of course, am going to tell you that I will TRY to be on cam, but you know how that always ends up.

Thanx for letting me share - i realize this isnt' one of my funnier moments.  I am sorta out of topics, so if anyone wants to email me one - feel free.