So you knew I was gonna comment on this new "staged and carefully planned reality" show - Temptation Island. How could I not? I love talk shows like Jerry Springer and Sally Jesse Raphael and this is essentially the making of one of these talk show segments. Of course I watched these last two episodes with my Mother - getting all jacked up on mom's special nuclear tea recipie. We spend the hour waving our hands at each other screaming "OMG - She is so gonna cry" and "Damn, that guy is hot" and even "I wish they could be as much as whores as the guys are." Then we reflect on what would make someone torture themselves and their future relationship in this way, and then we congradulate ourselves on being the people on the other side of the tv show laughing and pointing in the comfort of our own living room instead of blubbering our mascara in front of millions.

I am still not sure as to why someone would do something like this to their relationship unless they truly are sadistic and want to be the victim no matter what the circumstance. It's like being on weight watchers and locking someone into a candy store for two weeks. If that weren't bad enough - there isn't even a prize if you don't cheat - just the joy of a healthy relationship to come back to. If the relationship was so healthy, why are they at this island subjecting themselves to certain depression? The rumors are that none of the couples cheated. I think we should define cheat at this point cuz from what I have seen of the previews for future shows - Clinton advised them on that definition. Swapping spit isn't something I would do with a "pal" of mine if I were thinking of getting married.

Last week's show featured who the couples were and why they were doing this (they really skimmed over that part - to see if they would be faithful is a lame excuse - why not see if they would wear a condom if they weren't faithful, or if they would tell the truth if they were cheating? better yet - why not have an "agreement" and see if they can "cheat" within the confines of that agreement (i.e. some kind of bill clinton clause)? Suprisingly enough, none of them were picked up from a double wide trailer. The four couples were shown the 26 singles that they would be spending their time with on the island and were first given the choice of one guy and one girl to throw off the island. This is where we get to view the jealousy at it's finest from both parties - however, the guys were a bit clueless on who to agree upon and then chose this one guy who seemed the most unattractive. I don't get it.

Then the guys and girls were each able to forbid their mate from dating a certain single by placing a colored bracelet that matched their necklace on the person's wrist. Needless to say, the men found the massage therapist to be a threat (later on we see what a goofball he is and that they had nothing to worry about). The women surprised me. None of them chose the asian girl. I really thought that would be the first person voted off - after all, everytime i come even close to even seeing a porn site - advertisements saturate my screen about asian women being a hot commodity. Instead, in the next episode, the guys voted her off - apparently she should have been matched up with the masseuse - both could have shared an air compresser.

Now, all of the couples were really into each other - but I got the feeling that the girls were not going to have as good a time as the guys. Once the girls left the island - the guys were easily distracted by thongs and beer. The girls sat around that nite moping and the one girl had problems cuz her and her man had a fight right before they parted. They spent the evening consoling her instead of ogling the men. How silly to waste a nite trying to instill confidence in a woman who made the wrong decision from the get-go. She tells the girls that her man cheats. Why is she here again? to prove that he wouldn't cheat on her? FOX could have saved them the time, trouble and air fare if they had at least read her application.

I am sad that most of the entertainment will not be around after next week's episode as the one couple that seethes hatred towards each other was found out to have a kid (how do you hide that?) and that was apparently in the rules that you had to be a childless couple. I look forward to them doing the talk show circuit and expect that child to be in social services after their behaviour on the island. Their relationship is so screwy on so many levels.

I feel bad that most of these people won't be able to enjoy their vacation as they are too worried as to what their mate is doing (and they get to find out courtesy of all the video cameras and tv's they supply the couples to let them know how they are doing in the "am i having more fun then her/him" contest) and jealousy consumes them and the beautiful scenery is wasted and hormones are stifled - whether it be from sadness or because of the certainty of getting caught if they were to cheat, or of course the tons of cameras in your face every time you turn around.

That's why I think I should be on this show. Who would be my stunt date? Why the Reverend, of course. We have talked about this before (and reviewed it with others much to their shock as well). How are we going to fool the FOX network execs? If that one couple can hide offspring - surely we can fake an emotion or two. We would put those couples to shame by totally forgetting about the other one and making a game out of who had the better time and the most babes. I am betting the reverend would win that one hands down - I don't have a party trick of shoving a screwdriver up my nose to impress the guys. Dammit. But at least we would be entertaining. And when we were reunited, we would give each other a high five and laugh at everyone around us for even thinking we would waste a moment on that island not sampling all it had to offer.

Of course, mom doesn't think that's such a good idea - she doesn't want to laugh and point at me from her living room sofa.